Then, Turtle got sick. It lasted a few days. It sucked for her.

Then, while Turtle was still recovering, I got sick. I’m still not fully recovered. On sick day 6, I ended up on a 10-day course of antibiotics that I think did nothing. I missed an extra week of work on top of the vacation I had planned for the Christmas-New Year’s week. It sucked royally for me.

We had a bit of a panic attack when getting the fem.ara. We called our pharmacy and were told it would be $456 for the five pills we needed. We thought briefly about going back to Cl.omid for a couple of cycles. Fortunately, a different pharmacy had the generic and my insurance did cover it. I’m feeling very grateful for my excellent insurance.

Then, I messed up taking the meds. I kept forgetting it. Remember, I was sick and not sleeping and pretty much barely able to handle what was right in front of my face. So for some of the days I took the meds much later in the day than others. I thought Turtle was going to tear her hair out because I was so frustrating for her that week. She really is a good sport.

I also missed one of my acupuncture appointments.

Last week, I started seeing darker and darker lines on the opks. Turtle arranged to pick up the tank of swimmers on Thursday. I was convinced I’d see a +opk on Friday or Saturday.

I was wrong. Of course I was wrong. This couldn’t be easy, could it?

I just kept reminding myself that we could always take the swimmers back and skip the cycle if I never surged. It wasn’t like November where the tank wouldn’t last until the lab was open. Mostly, I kept my cool waiting for that +opk.

Finally, this morning the smiley showed its face. We inseminated tonight around 6ish. It was slick. My cervix looked great; everything was open. We’ll do a second insemination tomorrow morning before work.

Crossing my fingers!

I’ve always made the usual quick-and-easy beef stew recipe that includes dry onion soup mix, cream of mushroom condensed soup, and beef broth along with miscellaneous seasonings. However, the first two of those definitely have gluten and I found most brands of the third also had gluten. After reading a bunch of labels, I found a low sodium version that was gluten-free.

I did look around at recipes to get some ideas. In the end, I kind of threw together what sounded good. And it turned out great! I think it’ll be fun to experiment with this as a base, maybe adding rosemary or tomato paste or dijon mustard or…

Frog’s Beef Stew

2 cans of gluten-free, low sodium beef broth
1 cup of red wine (I used Merlot)
1 lb of stew meat
red potatoes, either whole baby ones or full size cut into big chunks
big chunks of carrots
whole crimini mushrooms, stems removed
3 bay leaves
3-6 whole, peeled cloves of garlic
onion (I used dried onion because that’s what I had on hand)
2-3 tbl corn starch mixed with equal amount of cool water

In a crockpot, spread out the stew meat to create the bottom layer. Next goes the potatoes, then the carrots, and finally the mushrooms. Add bay leaves, garlic, and onions. Pour in the broth and wine. Put on the lid and crank it to high for an hour, then turn down to low. Cook about 8 hours, give or take.

Just before serving, remove the bay leaves. Scoop out at least half the liquid and put into a saucepan over medium high heat. Make sure the cornstarch is fully dissolved in water. Add the cornstarch/water to the saucepan. Bring to a boil and cook for a minute or two. Return the slightly thickened liquid to the crockpot and gently stir. Serve hot.

Makes enough for 4-5 large servings.

This is our first Christmas together in our home. The past few years, we’ve traveled out of state to visit my family. It’s been so fun to have our very first Christmas tree. We actually drove out to a tree farm about 25 minutes away to get a tree, and I cut it down myself. Turtle helped by pulling back on the top of the tree to keep the saw blade from getting pinched. Then she carried the heavier end of the tree when the two of us hauled it uphill to pay for it. It smells so good! Turtle had some ornaments. My mom and sister sent us a bunch more. I’m just in love with it.

While we aren’t ttc-ing during Christmas this year, we are still doing a bit of testing. Turtle has started peeing on sticks, trying to catch her LH surge. I’m continuing to do the same just for the sake of data and tracking patterns.

Today, I had a hyst.erosalp.ingogram (HSG). I still can’t pronounce that properly, so I have to just call it an HSG. I was supposed to have it between CD6/7 and CD10. Today is CD10. They couldn’t fit me in on Friday, so today was the only option. Before the test, I was feeling nervous. Mostly I was afraid it would be extremely uncomfortable if not painful. I was also mildly worried about who would do the test, which involves a speculum. I’ve never had a male doctor up in my business, so to speak. But I think my anxiety about potential pain helped distract me from getting too worried about having a man do the test.

Turtle came with me, but she wasn’t allowed to come with me in the room where the test was going to happen. It was really helpful to have her with me when we were waiting for the test and knowing that she’d be there when I was done. The radiology tech was very nice and made me feel as comfortable as I possibly could.

Here’s how the test went:

I was wearing nothing but socks from the waist down and a hospital gown. I got up on the exam table. It was tall and flat. They had a quilted blue blanket on it for cushioning. There was also a small pillow at the end, wrapped in some kind of moisture-proof pillow case. My butt was on the pillow, and my feet rest on some kind of knobs attached to the corners of the table. The table didn’t actually have stirrups.

The radiologist inserted a speculum. He actually did a great job. It wasn’t uncomfortable. Then he swabbed my cervix with a disinfectant “soap” followed by another swab that I assume cleaned off the extra soap. This wasn’t uncomfortable for me, but I know some women have cervixes (cervices?) that are more sensitive to pressure. Next, he inserted a small tube through my cervix into my uterus. I could feel it, and it felt odd but not painful. It seemed to be a much smaller tube than the ones Dr. Awesome has used for my IUIs. Finally with the tube in place, he removed the speculum.

At this point, he inflated a balloon at the end of the tube. They had explained to me before the exam that the balloon allows them to get some pressure in the contrast fluid they are inserting so they can get it into the fallopian tubes. This was the only really uncomfortable part. It definitely did not feel good, but it wasn’t truly painful either. Then we repositioned me on the table and the tech pulled the x-ray machine over my abdomen.

The radiologist pushed the contrast fluid into my uterus. I could see the video screen a bit. It looked white and was just filling the top part of my uterus because the balloon was taking up space in the bottom part. At one point, they asked me to lift one hip and lean in the other direction. Then they had me do the same maneuver for the other side. I believe this was to help get the contrast fluid to flow into my fallopian tubes. The radiologist captured a bunch of images–I can’t remember how many. Finally, he release the air in the balloon and I could see the contrast fluid fill in the rest of my uterus.

Once the radiologist was all done, he removed the tube (quick and painless) and the tech moved the x-ray machine over. The radiologist came over by my side and turned the screen toward me. He then flipped through the various images, showing my fallopian tubes, my uterus, and (best of all) the contrast fluid flowing out the ends of the tubes. Yay for open fallopian tubes! He said things looked good, but that he wouldn’t know everything until he looked at the images on his super fantastic monitor with better resolution back in his office.

After he left, the tech helped me off the table and showed me to the bathroom connected to the exam room. I was given a washcloth and towel so I could clean up a bit. I also was given a menstrual pad to protect my clothes from the staining “soap” and any other discharge. The tech mentioned that the contrast fluid may seem sticky like maple syrup as my body discharges some of it. Some it will get absorbed in my abdomen.

After I got cleaned up and dressed, I met Turtle in the waiting room. I was thinking I would go back to work, but I was feeling a bit crampy and decided to work from home in my pjs instead.

I should also note that the RE has me on an antibiotic to help prevent any infection. Plus, I was told to take 400-600 mg of ibuprofen an hour before the test. I haven’t needed any additional ibuprofen because the cramping hasn’t gotten bad.

All in all, it was a relief to know my tubes are open and the test was relatively easy. We’ll see if I still feel that way after I get the bill.

So I doubt my credit is good enough to get another office space.  Once I finally decided I wasn’t even going to try, the stress from that was lifted.

Then on my way to pick up my wife at work, I stupidly answered my phone.  It was another student loan collection agency.  Why I didn’t just hang up, I don’t know.  “Mam, I’m calling to talk to you about your loan with &^$#.  They have authorized us to offer you a settlement.”  Wait for it.  “You owe $221,000 and they will settle for $198,000.  That would save you $23,000.”  Really, if I can’t come up with their payment of $2000, how in the world am I suppose to come up with $198,000?  If I had that kind of money I would be paying my student loans.  I finally ended the conversation and just started balling.

Then my wife and I went to our friend’s place to clean a bit for them.  They were in the hospital and were possibly going to have their twins.  I was fine at their place, just distracting myself with cleaning dishes.

This morning I found out they had the twins last night and I lost it.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad everyone is ok, but damn it they got pregnant on the first try and on the same weekend we had tried.  Life is seriously not fair.  We have been trying for what seems like forever and we still are not pregnant.  I wife tried to comfort me, but then it dawned on me again.  If we can’t get pregnant the chances of us adopting are slim to none and all because of my student loans.  I have a tremendous amount of guilt about my student loans and how I have profoundly screwed up our chances of having a family.  Sometimes I think my wife should just run away, far away from me and my stupidity.  All I have is a house with a small mortgage, but soon the student loan collection agencies will put leans against the house and much more than the house is worth.

I just can’t believe I have jeopardized our future family.

We’ve decided to take December off. The insemination would have been right around the holiday. To be honest, I felt this past cycle was messed up in part because I was too stressed out to read the signals well and too anxious to make careful decisions. Trying to do an insemination around the next holiday would also be stressful. We haven’t had a single break since we started, so we’re due.

I’m going to get the HSG test done in about a week. Our insurance changes next month, so it’s less expensive to do it now than later. I’m not looking forward to the procedure, but I am looking forward to knowing the results. If my tubes are blocked, then at least there will finally be some certainty in this ttc process. If they’re open, I’ll feel okay about continuing to try in January.

In the meantime, Turtle has been gearing up to start trying in February. She had her initial appointment with her RE and has done her CD3 tests. She also had some tests related to her thyroid. Turns out she has Has.himoto’s disease. Apparently her immune system is attacking her thyroid, so her thyroid can’t make enough of its hormone(s). She’s already taking a pill to supplement the hormone(s). There’s some indications that going gluten-free will help, and perhaps even allow her to reduce or eliminate the need for the pill. So this past weekend we had our last gluten hurrah with ebleskeivers (sp?), pizza, toast, etc.

Turtle didn’t ask me to go gluten-free with her. I decided it would be easier for us if I did. Plus, maybe it’ll help me get healthier too. It does suck that our food budget will have to go up, but I’m enjoying reading blogs like the Glut.en Free Gir.l and the Ch.ef. We’ve borrowed some cookbooks from friends and the library. Today was the first day, and I think Turtle did great!

But on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving the OPK got lighter even though Turtle hadn’t caught a positive yet.  Thinking that we might have missed the surge we went ahead and did an insemination Wednesday night.  Dr. Awesome had some difficulty getting through the second os, but Frog’s CM was great.

Frog kept testing and the OPK’s were getting lighter.  By Friday morning (day after Thanksgiving) I was afraid we were missing the opportunity to put in the second vial. We didn’t have the option to just hang onto the second vial for next time because the tank was only supposed to last to Sunday and we couldn’t find any liquid nitrogen on a holiday weekend.

We called Dr. Awesome.  We agreed with her that we should have her try to get through the os with the cannula. Based on how easy/hard it was to get through the os, we would decide whether or not to do the second insemination.

Getting through the os was super easy, CM was good, and so we did the second insemination.  We felt pretty decent about it until Frog got her surge on Saturday afternoon.  We both felt we just wasted a ton of money because we panicked.

So, we expect this cycle was a bust.

We’re continuing to think about when to stop trying with Frog and when to start trying with me. Our insurance will have a $500 deductible per person before any of our infertility coverage kicks in. We decided to have both of us meet with the RE and make a game plan.

My RE appointment was this week. My ultrasound looked fine—no sign of too few eggs for my age. I did have one fibroid, but the RE thinks it’s no big deal and it shouldn’t interfere with conception or pregnancy. Today is my CD2, so I’m getting ready to get my blood work done tomorrow or early Tuesday. In addition to the usual CD3 tests, I’m getting my thyroid checked. It was off a bit a year or so ago, but not enough to worry about as I wasn’t trying to get pregnant. But now, it’s possible I’ll need treatment for it.

The doctor also told me that I should lose 25 pounds.  She is concerned about me having twins since I will be starting with clom.id and next month I will be 37 years old.  Losing a little weight will decrease my chance of having issues when I’m pregnant and make it a little easier to be pregnant.  She also told me she was going to weigh me each time I come in to see that I am losing weight.  Talk about pressure!

That means we have one more vial of King Richard, our current donor. So next month will be just one vial.

We did just buy eight vials of a brand new donor. He’s so new that he’s still in quarantine and we are the first to claim any of his vials. We’re enchanted with his thick, wavy red hair and freckles.

We’re still debating whether next try is my last before we switch to Turtle. So, Turtle has started to track. She got her +opk yesterday and is on track for a 35-day cycle. Considering that until last cycle she was going 40+ and sometime 50+ days for her cycles for the past 6-8 cycles, we’re thrilled.

There’s a long post I still need to write about how things have been going these past several weeks. It’s been tough. We’re hanging in there and counting down the days to our vacation.