This has been a pretty hard week for me. First the was the possibility of moving my practice with two other practitioners, but when no one wanted to be responsible for the lease I opened my big mouth and said I would try to. The emphasis is on “try”. I have really crappy credit due to my student loans. I was able to get into my current office because I had been paying my loans on time and I had not graduated from school yet. Once I was finished with school we were pretty much living on my wife’s income until my practice started making money. The end result is that I have defaulted on my loans. I have every intention of paying them back, but I just can’t make a payment of $5000 for a down payment in order to have my payments go down to $1200 a month. I tried to work with them in the beginning and up until last year, but it is impossible to make those kinds of payment right now.
So I doubt my credit is good enough to get another office space. Once I finally decided I wasn’t even going to try, the stress from that was lifted.
Then on my way to pick up my wife at work, I stupidly answered my phone. It was another student loan collection agency. Why I didn’t just hang up, I don’t know. “Mam, I’m calling to talk to you about your loan with &^$#. They have authorized us to offer you a settlement.” Wait for it. “You owe $221,000 and they will settle for $198,000. That would save you $23,000.” Really, if I can’t come up with their payment of $2000, how in the world am I suppose to come up with $198,000? If I had that kind of money I would be paying my student loans. I finally ended the conversation and just started balling.
Then my wife and I went to our friend’s place to clean a bit for them. They were in the hospital and were possibly going to have their twins. I was fine at their place, just distracting myself with cleaning dishes.
This morning I found out they had the twins last night and I lost it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad everyone is ok, but damn it they got pregnant on the first try and on the same weekend we had tried. Life is seriously not fair. We have been trying for what seems like forever and we still are not pregnant. I wife tried to comfort me, but then it dawned on me again. If we can’t get pregnant the chances of us adopting are slim to none and all because of my student loans. I have a tremendous amount of guilt about my student loans and how I have profoundly screwed up our chances of having a family. Sometimes I think my wife should just run away, far away from me and my stupidity. All I have is a house with a small mortgage, but soon the student loan collection agencies will put leans against the house and much more than the house is worth.
I just can’t believe I have jeopardized our future family.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this stress–and student loans are the worst, by far. I think it should be illegal the way they run those things. Is there any kind of credit counseling or something that you could go into to start paying it off without it being so crazy-expensive? Lots of hugs to you–you’re not alone in this.
I am truly sorry to hear about your crappy week. You have so much on your plate right now and it’s no wonder that you’re overwhelmed. Student loans suck and I’m disgusted with how they’ve turned higher ed into a big business, money-making racket. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Many good thoughts are coming your way.
I am sorry… And I second the credit counseling if you haven’t looked into it. Also, long after I was paying my loans, I found out bout loan forgiveness programs for certain professions in my state. They ultimately did not cover me because of where I went to school but no one had ever bothered to tell me that they may have. Not sure that any of this is actually useful but I would do some loan fairy magic if I could and that’s the closest I an get :-/
Thank you all for your support! I keep trying to help Turtle focus on how far she’s come. She’s doing so great in building her therapy practice, and her profits just keep growing. We’ve learned how to have lots of difficult money discussions, making our marriage much stronger. We are able to help one another put one foot in front of the other each day. We have lots of love, laughter, and excellent health insurance.
In many ways, we are incredibly fortunate. And I’m so grateful to have Turtle as my wife.